SPTRASHCAN

First, a brief explanation of the name of this dish.

Stamppot boerenkool is a traditional Dutch dish made with boiled mashed potatoes and kale. It is usually eaten with smoked sausage such as HEMA rookworst, but what I had on hand was sweet Italian sausage. Thus, the dish became Dutch with a slight taste of Italian. And that reminded me of a novelty song my father used to sing to me: Notta Bella Margarineta, which is a song of Dutch nonsense that sounds vaguely like Italian…

Anyway!

• Be lazy.
• No, lazier than that.
• Lazy enough to want to make dinner out of just three ingredients.
• Halfheartedly chop 2 bunches of kale leaves into inch-wide strips.
• Throw them in the colander and sort of poke them around while running water over them.
• Grab 10 red potatoes and halfheartedly rub them a bit with a brush to get the dirt off.
• Whack the potatoes haphazardly into eighths.
• Dump the whole mess of potatoes and kale into a big pot and fill it with water.
• Put the pot on a burner on high, clap a lid on it, and forget it for a while.
• Shove some sausages into the microwave until they’re no longer completely frozen.
• Toss them in a pan with a bit of oil and put it on a medium-high burner.
• When sausages are browned on one side, sort of nudge them until they roll over.
• When sausages are browned on the other side, toss in a quarter cup of water and slap the lid on the pan while turning the heat down to low.
• Allow sausages to steam while you poke at the kale and potatoes. Make sure all the kale gets a turn underwater.
• Is the kale soft and dark green, while the potatoes can be squished with a wooden spoon? Good.
• Take the pot off the burner and put the lid over most of the top.
• Tip the pot languidly over the sink and let the hot water run out.
• Don’t let your dinner fall into the sink.
• Put the pot back down on the warm burner.
• Grab a masher and use it to prop yourself up until the potatoes give way.
• Repeat until potatoes and kale are a red, white, and green squishy melange.
• Add a little butter, salt, and pepper.
• Take the sausages off the heat.
• Chop the sausages into pieces and stir them into the potato mash.
• Pour the sausage water and oil over the potato mash and stir that in too.
• If the mash is too wet, put it on low heat and stir until the excess water cooks off.
• Scoop out some mash and plop it in a bowl.
• Repeatedly force your spoon on the long, arduous trek from bowl to mouth and back.
• Alternately, just shove your face in the bowl and make chewing motions.